Black sheep Part 2 (Outsider status)

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 -Causes embarrassment or disgrace due to the departure of an accepted group by society’s standards.-

     In my own personal experience, I was called hurtful names while I was trying to fit in to one of the popular groups and shortly after I left, I heard mixed comments. There was some hate and some love(they were just being nice).
At another time in high school,  I was being made fun of by a group friends whom I was semi-close with. It was the friendly-teasing sort of thing, until towards the end. A few of them made fun of me for being myself and for what I was wearing. No one else in the group stopped them and they didn’t say anything. I don’t think they went along with it, however they watched and laughed at times. I thought they were kidding. All the name calling, talking about me behind my back, ignoring me, being made fun of by them continued. I fought that by ignoring what they did and said to me. Literally, I blocked it out.  Sometimes, I would think they were kidding, even when they weren’t. When I had enough of their negative attitude and [sometimes] incessant behavior, I told one of my good friends(at the time) that he and everyone in the group shouldn’t be saying all these awful things to me and shouldn’t be saying it behind my back. I told him they shouldn’t be doing all these mean things to me. I thought they were nice-obviously not as nice as I wanted them to be. I moved on from that group to get new friends and ignored anyone who was in that group-whether they were nice to me or not. I did not want to associate myself with that group of people. Still, the old me heard negative things from that group-why bother with what they were saying. Done.

Dreams fade away because we can’t tolerate the short term pain necessary to get to our long term goal.-eightseven

     This relates to the insider and the outsider: Sometimes it seemed like I had to be like them in terms of dressing like them, letting myself get manipulated by the group, thinking the way they do and talking like them. In the second situation, It was easier to be myself, however they were darker. To be one of them, everyone had to wear something black or dark in color. It sounded very typical to me-I didn’t want to believe it. Everyone was dark in their own way-whether it be by music, art, photography or their way of thinking. As intriguing as it was-its difficult to pull away from that. It always interesting-at times there are things that are not meant to be known to one’s mind. It was almost as if the darkness was pulling me in. To be like them, you had be within the darkness in some way or find it amusing.

     The similarity of intelligence between someone who thinks they know better and someone who isn’t accepted to the group by any standard is the level of respect, acceptance and kindness. Its better to know yourself and to know why you could not be taken in to the group friends to grow individually rather than conforming to what they think, say and do.

*This song resembles what I went through in terms of being better than I was and being unattached from what is considered, “normal” by society. Even if you experience what appears to be the worst, it is learned to make yourself a stronger person. Its my way of saying: “I can take on anything, even if I have been through worse.”

Remember: Don’t give someone your attention who doesn’t deserve it.

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