Keeping yourself inspired, energized & ready to write is important. Being able to style an outfit for myself so that it looks great is also important. So is mental health. I consider myself an artist in terms of writing because I want to be that great of a writer as well as be myself. It is important to talk about mental health for yourself and for others because soooo many things can get in our way & we either work around them or get through that mental block. As an artist, my medium is writing & I have to get out what’s on my mind whenever I’m writing in my journal or one of my mental health apps. There are soooo many mental flaws (if you will – instead of identifying them as a mental illness) that many people have. Anxiety seems to be the most common one. A lot of people have depression as well, but they don’t show it because they know how to hide it very well. I’ve been known to hide my mental flaws. I want to note that just because you have anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD, or bipolar depression, it’s not an illness of the mind. I perceive it as a mental flaw. Just because you can’t tell if someone has any of these flaws, doesn’t mean they have that particular flaw. I’ve written about my mental health in a memoir on Wattpad, you can find the book @esjaadi & the title of the book is, “Breathe Through the Scars.” It is about my mental health struggle as well as how much I have grown since then. I had published it two years ago & I know I don’t feel the same as I did when I wrote that book. ALOT has changed since then. I mean I have grown mentally & emotionally. It feels like I have been through a lot since then with trying to make friends as well as looking for that one guy who I can spend my life with. I’ve had a bunch of different jobs as well.
The other medium I use is fashion. I use it to express who I am & who I want to be so that I can be the person I want to become to be successful. I know there are all these quotes, books & advice from fashion people, entrepreneurs & thought leaders about how life should be lived & how to better yourself. However, I’m trying to undo that by living the way I want to live in a stylish & sustainable way. What I’m trying to do is unf*ck my life. My life isn’t terrible, but it is great. I’ve been trying to stay away from the hustle quotes that are supposed to drive me to succeed & move forward with my personal goals. Yes, it is important to follow with my goals & actually achieve them, which is my plan. I plan to be halfway there in 5 years. And accomplish them in 10 years. By 10 years time, I’d like to continue with my goals & take them a step further. I have smaller goals that don’t have anything to do with writing or fashion. However, once I begin that goal, I’ll let you know when that arrives.
Fashion has always been my outlet to express who I am & who I want to be. It is what I can say about myself without speaking. Kind of like a painting from a famous artist. Except, Idc about fame. I admire artists who use their fame for good. Fashion is my love. I have every Alexander McQueen book that is about his life, the story behind each collection & until the last collection he had designed. I love fashion on an emotional level because it had been with me for years & years. I remember I had heard of Dior & Jimmy Choo when I was a kid, but I didn’t who they were or what they did until I saw it in a Vogue magazine. Then I was like, “OOHH this is Jimmy Choo! He designs shoes!” “This is Dior?!?! Oohh my gosh! It’s incredible & very intricate & beautiful!” At that point, I felt SO obsessed with fashion & I wanted to know who all the best fashion designers are & what their collections are about. The main designer that caught my eye was McQueen’s collection because I felt some kind emotional energy when I saw the collection of the black & red dresses of the hounds tooth grew bigger & bigger & became a bird. Some of the fashion models were wearing black rims of a car on their head like it is a facinator hat. I felt the emotional energy from the collection because of what I was going through at the time & what was happening in my life.
Now, in order to be the best that I can be as artist, even when mental health gets in my way, I have to refocus my attention to what is truly important to me & that is my two primary goals in being a fashion influencer & a writer. To be the best, means to stop stopping myself from the things that prevent me from achieving my goals & the things that are distracting me from my goals. I usually ask myself, “Does this support the life that I’m trying to create?” If the answer is yes, then I follow through. If the answer is no, then I change course onto something that does. This is crucial because why bother with the things that have nothing to do with my life goals? I’d rather pursue what I want most & create the life that I want to live & be confident & joyful about it. 🦄🌟